ICP Parody; The dating game!
by Final-Fiction
Summary: Yaoi joke songfic; you'll get it soon enough!


This is a comedy type Yaoi sorta storey, not as angsty as the kind I usually indulge in writing! But, because I am not really as depressing as my stories, I thought 'd write a humorous song fic!! Oh, there's ALOT of cussing in this! In case you don't figure it out, the song words are almost like what the guys are really thinking! ~~~ Ketty Baby  
  
The Dating Game!  
  
~ Let's meet contestant number 1!!!  
  
He's a schizophrenic serial killer clown!!!  
  
Who says women love is sexy smile!"  
  
Let's see if his charm works on Sharon!  
  
Sharon, let's hear your question!! ~  
  
"Uh, Bejiita-sama, remind me why we're here again?" Torankusu raised an eyebrow to his father a he sat on a high stool next to that of his would-be father. Just a few feet to Tora's right, was Piccoro, looking some-what confused by all the bright flashing lights and the huge audience cheering like the world's end. For all he knew, it could be the world's end, well, it was the end of his high reputation, that was cert at this point as an official looking man in a suit with a microphone jumped around on stage in a hype getting the audience psyched.  
  
Bejiita glared at Tora and said nothing. A slight grunt gave Tora the indication to look away before his lip became a victim. The man with the microphone approached Piccolo. Behind his dark glasses, the presenter almost seemed to be plotting revenge for the Cell incident in which he'd been put in danger, sitting with Mr. Satan behind a rock.  
  
"Contestant number 1!!! Piccoro-sama! Let's hear your response, Gohan-san, let's hear your question!"  
  
~ Contestant number 1,  
  
I believe that first impressions last forever,  
  
So lets say you were to come over to my parent's house and have dinner,  
  
With me and my family,  
  
Tell me, what you would do to get that first impression to really stick? ~  
  
Piccoro blushed purple. He wasn't sure he wanted to here getting humiliated like this, but he'd do anything for his love and so tried to stick the laughter.  
  
"Um, Piccoro-sama, what would you do at a family dinner with me and my parents and brother? I mean, that is, how would you behave?" Gohan-san was not overly confident or relaxed on stage; this really wasn't something he wanted to be doing. * This is stupid * all 4 thought in unison. An eerie silence fell over the recording studio in anticipation of Piccoro's counter.  
  
"Well, uh…"  
  
~Let's see, well, I'd have to think about it,  
  
I might show up in a tux,  
  
HAH! But I doubt it,  
  
I'd prolly just show up naked like I always do,  
  
And look your mama in the eye and tell her FUCK YOU!!!  
  
Hurry up bitch I'm hungry,  
  
I smell spaghetti,  
  
I'd pinch her loopy ass and tell her GET THE FOOD READY!!!  
  
Your dad would prolly start tripping and get me pissed,  
  
I'd have to walk up and bust him in his fucking lips,  
  
It's diner time,  
  
We're hearing grace from your mother,  
  
I pull the 40 out and pour some for your little brother,  
  
I'm standing staring at your sister,  
  
I'll tell you his,  
  
For only 13 she got some big tits!  
  
After that,  
  
Your dad would try to jump again,  
  
Only his time I put the 40 to his chin,  
  
After your mom does the dishes and the silver wear,  
  
I dry fuck her till I nut in my under wear! ~  
  
Piccoro stuttered helplessly. A slight murmur slipped from his lips, "I'd be very polite and help with the housework and be extra polite to your mother and play card games with your father."…Silence. The audience were completely dumb-founded. Green men from outer space don't play card games…do they? Gohan coughed and glanced at the presenter. Taking this as a signal to move swiftly on, he pushed he glasses up his nose with his finger. Bejiita snarled and leapt from the stool. Angrily, he spat at the camera and flew out of the studio. Torankusu blinked. Speechless. Completely. Tora coughed and watched the floor hoping that what just happened, hadn't really happened. Of course, as graceful as Bejiita usually was, this was not one of his moments to shine. So much for the camera loves you.  
  
Gohan dripped with sweat, both the studio lights and the mental damage caused had greatly lowered his verbal power level. Returning to Gohan, the presenter shoved his microphone under Gohan's chin and began again, his voice booming over the studio.  
  
~ Now, let's me contestant number two!!!  
  
He's a psychopathic, deranged, crack head freak  
  
Who works for the Dark Carnival!  
  
He says women call him stretch nuts,  
  
Sharon, let's hear your question!! ~  
  
"Oooooookay, that was contestant number 1!!! Gohan-san, let's introduce you to contestant number 2!! Torankusu-san! Let's hear your question!"  
  
Gohan flushed at Tora's name and had to glare at the floor to hide his rosy cheeks. Tora sat at the edge of his stool, at the sound of Gohan's voice. He fell from the stool, much to his embracement, and flushed immensely as he propped himself back up onto the stool, the audience's laughter made him want to cry, it was so degrading! He didn't even want to be there! Bravely, he put on a smiley face and laughed faulsely to try and make it look deliberate. "Uh, Torankusu-san?"  
  
~ I like a man who's not afraid to show his true emotions  
  
A man who expresses himself in his own special way  
  
Number two, if you fell in love with me  
  
Exactly how would you let me know? ~  
  
Gohan continued, " If you loved me, how would you tell me?" Tora had never been so close to fainting without physical contact, ever. Swallowing hard, he looked up at the camera, then glanced at Piccoro, before finally answering…"I'd…"  
  
~ First thing, I could never love you  
  
You sound like a richie-bitch,  
  
Yo, FUCK YOU!!!  
  
But if I did,  
  
I'd probably show you that I care,  
  
By taking all these other mother fuckers outta here!!  
  
I'd go through your phone book and whack 'em all,  
  
And find contestant number one and break his fucking jaw!!! (what?!)  
  
Anyone who looked at you,  
  
would have to pay,  
  
I'd be blowing fucking nuggets off all day!  
  
I'd grab your titties and stretch em down past your waist,  
  
Let 'em go, and watch 'em both spring up in your face!  
  
I'd sing love songs to you, the best I can,  
  
Get you naked,  
  
and hit it like a CAVEMAN!!!  
  
When we go to the beach and walk through the sand,  
  
I throw a little in your face and say,  
  
I'm just playin',  
  
As you spit it all out,  
  
I'd rub your back,  
  
And grab your underwear and wedge it up your ass crack!!! ~  
  
Tora stuttered. Lost for words. What a question to ask The answer, the answer, oh, what answer!? The knot in his throat tightened greatly. He could barely breathe.  
  
"Well, I'd, I'd, uh, um...* cough *" Piccoro snarled and slid off of the stool he was perched on, his eyes met with Torankusu's. The two young men began debating about each would be better for Gohan than the other. Bolts of cobalt lightning flickered from Piccoro's eyes, a literal hard stare. It was only a few words before the argument got out of proportion, and became a riot.  
  
~ Well it sounds like contestant number two  
  
Is just over-flowing with sensitivity, Sharon  
  
It's a touch choice so far  
  
Sharon, let's have your last question and  
  
See which one is going to win the rights to your neden ~  
  
"You fucked Gokou Damnit, how the hell can expect to be aloud to even come close to his son!?"  
  
"I have every right to come close to him! I don't see your name on him, Kuso!"  
  
Gohan interrupted, "WAIT UP! I have one last question! Get this, you get me!"  
  
~ Okay, if we were at a dance club,  
  
and you both noticed me at the  
  
same time.  
  
Tell me, how would you each get my attention,  
  
and what would  
  
your pick up line be?  
  
Well, who ever's the smoothest, wins! ~  
  
"If we went out to a night club and you both saw me, what would you do? How would you approach me?" Gohan's voice sounded desperate as the verbal war continued. There was momentary pause as both Piccoro and his rival to Gohan's affection, Torankusu, thought about their answer.  
  
~ Okay, first I'd slide up to the bar  
  
And tell you that I can't believe how fucking fat you are!!  
  
I'd tell that I like the way you make your titties shake  
  
And if you lost a little weight, you'd look like Rikki Lake! ~  
  
Piccoro ~ "I'd step up to you and tell you how good looking you are, then I'd flatter you by whispering sweet things deep into your ear"  
  
~ Fuck that, you'd be jacking me quick!  
  
I'd order you a drink and stir it with my dick,  
  
And then to get your attention in the crowded place,  
  
I'd simply walk up and stick my nuts in your face!! ~  
  
Torankusu ~ " Yeah, right! You'd rather blow Gokou! Gohan, he talks some shit! I'd make myself known to you by buying you a drink and licking your cheek tenderly."  
  
~ Yeah, freak with your nuts,  
  
Yo, that'll get her!  
  
Tell her that's she fat,  
  
yeah, that'll work even better!  
  
Look, fuck you, I got a strong rap,  
  
Shit, you don't want contestant number two,  
  
He's mad-wack!! ~  
  
Piccoro ~ "Tora would only screw up the life you already have, he couldn't lick a popsickle, let alone your cheek! He's rather be in a closet doin' his dad!"  
  
~ I walk into a barn and there he was,  
  
Standing up on a bucket,  
  
Eww, trying to fuck it!  
  
It was a big fucking smelly, ass farm llama,  
  
Damn dawg!  
  
How you gonna diss your momma?! ~  
  
"ENOUGH!!!" Gohan flew into a white rage, his hair burning into blonde flames as his eyes flashed emerald green, he snarled and screamed in rage and frustration as the two men he loved argued in such a petty manner in front of millions of viewers!! The building began to crumble with energy vibes as Gohan roared and flew through the ceiling leaving a massive hole in the roof, light poured into the dark studio.  
  
Piccoro and Tora stared at each other. Glaring into each others eyes, in unison they yelled at each other, pointing finger to each other,  
  
"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT YOU ASSHOLE!"  
  
  
  
It didn't turn out quite as I'd hoped, I have to admit, this was the first humorous DBZ storey I've tried to write, so hopefully, I'll do better next time! Any feed backs cool, good, bad, whatever! OWARI! ~~~ Ketty Baby 


End file.
